does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
