Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
