Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
