You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
