I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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