hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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