she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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