My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
