i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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