Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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