I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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