I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
