is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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