Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my being single is dangerous.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
