epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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