the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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