I will die if light touches me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
