Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
