i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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