I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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