So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
