Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
