we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
