probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
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I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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