WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Boobs are out for the taking
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
