I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
