bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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