the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
