Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
