her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
