I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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