Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
