dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
