Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
