oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
