the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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