Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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