you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
