She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
