update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I pour the whiskey from now on
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
