you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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