Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
