Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
