So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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