I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
