I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize