i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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