please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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