just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
