gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
