ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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