There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
