just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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