Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
