Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
