I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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