There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
