I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
