I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
