ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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