There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
