I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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