just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
