So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
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Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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