I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize