Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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