Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
