i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
