Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
