We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
