Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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