He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
