Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
