He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
