someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Randomize
