WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
